On the wall next to my dining table hangs a beautiful portrait of my mother playing the violin. It was painted by my brother Kirk during the early stages of his art career and education. The portrait is painted so that the viewer seems to be looking from the side and slightly from behind my mother, whose face radiates a serene reverence and joy from the beauty of the melody emanating from her instrument. Disclaimer: The violin is merely a tradition in my family. It is not necessary for all mothers to play the violin. However, I would like to share some thoughts today, some about mothers, and others addressed to mothers. On the way, I might use the violin as a symbol of what mothers and parenthood are all about.
I. The importance of mothers
The importance of mothers in God’s divine plan
We lived before we came to this earth. We were the spirit Children of our Heavenly Father, who created us in His image, taught us, and gave us the freedom to walk in his ways. To help us become more like Him, he prepared a plan, by which we could all come to Earth to gain a physical body and learn from our own experience. The role of mothers in bringing God’s children to Earth is more than obvious.
President N. Eldon Tanner taught, “The whole purpose of the creation of the earth was to provide a dwelling place where the spirit children of God might come and be clothed in mortal bodies and, by keeping their second estate, prepare themselves for salvation and exaltation. The whole purpose of the mission of Jesus Christ was to make possible the immortality and eternal life of man. The whole purpose of mothers and fathers should be to live worthy of this blessing and to assist God the Father and his son Jesus Christ in their work. No greater honor could be given to woman than to assist in this divine plan, and I wish to say without equivocation that a woman will find greater satisfaction and joy and make a greater contribution to mankind by being a wise and worthy mother raising good children than she could make in any other vocation.”
The closing words of the Old Testament, written by Malachi, state:
“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord:
And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”
Heavenly Father’s divine purpose for the family is for it to serve as a basis on earth and continue its existence in heaven. Mother-child relationships are not for this life alone, but are intended to last beyond this life into eternity. Without this binding of generations together and the perpetuation of the family beyond the grave, the creation of the Earth would have been a waste. Logically, the vast beauties of the universe were created merely as an ancillary to motherhood and not the other way around.
The importance of mothers in the life of the child
Children reap numberless benefits from loving mothers. Daughters often become like their mothers. Sons often seek for wives that in some way display characteristics similar to those of their mothers. My sister Becky relates: “I think it is funny to realize that I have turned into my mother. All the things I said I'd never do, I do INTENTIONALLY.”
Children draw great personal security and strength from both parents. The Lamanite young men in the armies of Helaman developed great faith that led them through dangerous times. While other Nephite warriors were perishing, these young men stood firm and undaunted. “…yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and [Helaman] did remember the words which they said unto [him] that their mothers had taught them.”
Sharon Darling, president & founder of the National Center for Family Literacy said, “Those fond times spent in a rocking chair reading with your mom are more than memories. They are critical for children’s future academic success. That’s right, your performance on tests and in school is greatly influenced by your mother’s education level and involvement in your schooling.” “Many moms wonder what they can do to help their children be successful in school. The answer is surprisingly simple. Many of the things parents do with their children as they work, play, read and talk together have an impact on the skills needed to become a confident and competent student. Singing songs, making up silly rhymes, talking about what you see, pointing out letters and words in the environment and reading together are just a few activities parents can do.”
Mothers play a crucial role in helping their daughters become mothers. My sister Emily’s second son came two months early. She relates:
“The night Adam was born was pretty traumatic. It was an emergency surgery to be followed by a difficult and stressful recovery. The surgery happened around midnight and I spent the entire night desperately wanting to call my mom. (I think in my highly-drugged state I even remember wanting to call her "mommy" a few times.) I waited until 8:00 am EST to call, so I wouldn't be waking mom and dad up in the middle of the night. I felt so much better when I finally got her on the phone. I think later she even said I don't have to wait until 6:00am to call next time. … she promptly ordered her plane ticket and made the necessary adjustments to her plans for the next week. She arrived at my door only 5 minutes after I came home from the hospital. She was there when I needed her the most.”
From my sister Ellen: “A little over a year ago, Mom gave me some very sudden advice about one of my children and completely took me by surprise. I called her the next day so that we could discuss the matter further in private, and I will never forget that phone call. Not only did we spend longer on the phone than I have ever talked to her in my life before, but it put so many things into perspective for me that I hadn't ever understood before and am only beginning to understand now. Also, I've come to realize that she has been putting a whole lot of thought and prayer and seeking for inspiration into this whole family thing all the way along. How did she make it look so easy when we were younger?”
The importance of mothers in the church and nation
President Herbert Hoover gave this incentive: “If we could have but one generation of properly born, trained, educated and healthy children, a thousand other problems of government would vanish. We would assure ourselves of healthier minds, more vigorous bodies, to direct the energies of our nation to greater heights of achievement.”
Brigham Young taught: “…mothers are the machinery that gives zest to the whole man, and guide the destinies and lives of men upon the earth … The mothers are the moving instruments in the hands of Providence to guide the destinies of nations. Let the mothers of any nation teach their children not to make war, the children would grow up and never enter into it.”
II. Things mothers can do to nurture and to lead more joyful, effective lives
1. Emulate divine attributes
Though I’m not sure how it works, most mothers seem to already be all-knowing and all-seeing. All parents would do well, however, to run their homes parallel to the way Heavenly Father runs His divine plan: with justice and mercy.
Don’t be afraid to establish clearly defined laws within your home. “… if there was no law given against sin men would not be afraid to sin.” You must have rules, but do not stop at merely making up rules. Be sure to establish pre-determined consequences for both the obeying and the disobeying of family laws. By doing so, you have created an environment in which your children can make use of their agency, just as God did when He created Adam and Eve and gave them commandments and consequences for disobeying them. Imagine a home where there is no law. What kind of nurturing could happen there? “And if there was no law given, if men sinned what could justice do, or mercy either, for they would have no claim upon the creature? But there is a law given, and a punishment affixed, and a repentance granted; which repentance, mercy claimeth; otherwise, justice claimeth the creature and executeth the law, and the law inflicteth the punishment; if not so, the works of justice would be destroyed, and God would cease to be god.” One might paraphrase, “And if there was no law given … the works of justice would be destroyed, and Mom would cease to be Mom.”
A law without clear consequences is merely a whim, or a threat. Be fair to your children by clearly communicating rules and expectations in advance. “Where there is no law … what could justice do?” Even Heavenly Father pardons those that have not the law given unto them.
Find ways to establish just laws. Then help your children keep them, but remember to be a “just [Mom], and a merciful [Mom] also.”
2. Trust God while holding to His Word
There is no better source for reading up on God’s attributes than the Scriptures. Again from Alma: “For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course to the promised land.
“And now I say, is there not a type in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise.”
3. Exemplify Obedience
Again from the account of the armies of Helaman, “Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness;” Such exactness is not taught by word only, but by example. The mothers of these young men could have taught their sons such strict obedience only by being obedient themselves.
Once, as my family sat around the dinner table, the conversation turned to some friends of ours that had left their church and removed their temple garments. My mom said with an air of caution: “Don’t people realize what kind of peril they put themselves in?” She may not remember this experience, but it made such an impression on my mind that I have never forgotten it. I shall always remember how dedicated my mother is to her temple covenants.
4. Seek conversion
King Benjamin taught his people to “remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.
“And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.
“And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
“But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.” My sister Angie had the recent insight that seeking conversion and humbling oneself before God will naturally lead parents to do all the rest of these things. Putting forth so much effort into the teaching and rearing of children may seem daunting, but when we humble ourselves first and seek to be converted, the rest will come. Diligent parenting is a natural outgrowth of conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ. For as Jesus Christ taught Peter, “When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Another paraphrase: “When thou art converted, strengthen thy children.”
5. Point children to Christ
Build family traditions that point your children to the Savior.
“For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; … And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”
When my siblings and I were growing up, we pulled out a wooden manger after Thanksgiving and left it out for the Christmas season. A bag of straw remained hidden in a nearby cupboard. Each time we did a good deed for someone else, usually in secret, we removed a piece of straw from the bag and placed it in the manger. Our goal was to ensure that the manger was full enough for baby Jesus when He arrived. It remained vacant until Christmas, when the baby Jesus, represented by a small doll wrapped in swaddling clothes, was placed by my mother in the manger in time for Christmas morning. Before opening any presents, before the rush and awkward juvenile tension of Christmas began, we sang Christmas carols together, made our procession to the manger, and quietly paused to behold the newborn Son of God reverently resting in the manger. My, what a clever mother I had. Not only did she enjoy the benefits of children serving one another during the Christmas season, but she instilled in us at a very early age a testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ and His mission to the Earth.
6. Keep perspective
Again, from my sister Becky: “A couple of years ago, Mom's violin was sitting in it's case on the shelf where it goes. One of my little boys who shall remain nameless Kendall walked passed, [and] barely touched it. The lid fell down and cracked the instrument. I felt terrible mostly due to the fact that I had NO money to be able to repair it. Mom went ahead and got it fixed and NEVER SAID A WORD. I didn't dare ask about it, because I was afraid of hearing the answer. Finally I got up the nerve to ask her what it had cost ($800). I was sick over it, but she pointed out that accidents happen and it was just a thing, less important than the person.
“We have a lot of nice instruments in our families. We could try to keep them all in pristine condition and they would sit on a shelf and never be touched...except by adults...still not foolproof...or we can use them for what they're intended.”
Becky continues: “Although [Mom] was never satisfied with the state of the house (when we were growing up), she never let that worry get in the way of the time she spent developing children. She could have been so consumed with the day-to-day up-keep that she might not have ever gotten to the truly important things. As [my husband’s] mom says, "Children are only yours for a short time. The house will always need to be cleaned."
In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior taught, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” He also taught, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
about the trumpet lesson that I had in that room over there, I thought of the concerts I had attended, and of Andy, and how friendly and personable of a teacher he was. That was such a magical time.
